Why Humans Swear Part 1

It has recently come to my attention that 95% of the American population has a case of Trucker Mouth. That's alright, I have potty mouth too, and if you don't you're probably a very boring individual. In my travels around the world, I've noticed that the only real people that ever swear are us Americans, and why is that? Well the answer is simple my friends. Swearing makes us feel empowered, because the word "Poop" isn't quite as powerful as the word "Shit". I personally like using the word Sentence Enhancer to describe a swear word, as thanks to Spongebob Squarepants. Anyway, when I was down in Texas last week I visited the international Museum Of Curse Words. I learned the entire history of swear words, dating back to the year 1487. The first swear word invented was the word "Crap". Yes, you probably think that is rubbish. It is not. Back in the day, "Crap" was the equivalent of the word we like using today by the name of "Fuck". If you were a kid back in the late 1400's and said the word "Crap", you were expected to enjoy a nice beating from your parents. Mothers would slap their kids mouths, while fathers would beat them with a belt. Sure "Crap" doesn't sound like much today. It's better than using the word "Fuck", where you would probably expect a spanking nowadays. Maybe not quite to the extent of a beating. Hell, I remember when I was a wee lad and I said the word "Ass" in front of my dad, he had no problem making my anus a punching bag.

Anyway, I'm sure you're wondering how the word "Crap" got invented. Well that is quite the tale my friend, a tale that I will most certainly tell. It all started in the middle of the Atlantic ocean on a shrimp boat named The Clamm during the summer of 1487. It's captain was a fierce leader. A leader no man would ever dare go up against. A leader who was feared among all the other shrimp boat captains in that day. He went by the name Matthew Thomaa's "Fearless" Schnidlerson. It all started July 22nd 1487, Captain Schnidlerson was having a rough day fishing, his frustration levels hit a new peak.

Am I boring you yet? I better not be, for there is much to tell. I will stop for now, we'll take break and I will continue this story sometime soon.